Even the first couple are doing it. Going out on a date. Working on their relationship. Making time for each other. Thinking of what they can do for each other. Amazingly it’s making news.

Sunday’s New York Times “Sunday Styles” Section had an article by Jan Hoffman (www.nyt.com) talking about the President of the United States and his wife Michelle finding the time and taking the effort to have a date together. In the article Ms. Hoffman looks at the reverberations this date has caused for some couples and the media.

From my perspective everything is relative. Our relationships are as uniquely contextual as we ourselves. How we behave and express ourselves in our relationships is special to us and our situation. What is universal, is the desire to express how we feel about our partner, and to make the effort to express it.

It seems to me that the carping that followed the Obam’s night out focused on the details of it. The flight to New York, the dinner reservations, the limousine, and so on. That is irrelevant, the point is that they took the time to plan, prepare and execute the whole thing. Despite their very public schedules which are insanely busy, this couple pulled it off. What are we mere mortals to do?

My advice is to look at your relationship and use it as a platform to build upon. Look at it in the context of the time and effort you and your partner have spent to develop a strong and loving relationship. See it for what it is, a solid, stable base upon which you have built your life together. Think of it as the foundation upon which you are able to build your world around you. It is where you go to seek shelter, heal, grow strong, and most of all find love. It needs to be nurtured. It is not an inanimate object that needs some upkeep and renovation every now and then. It is a living entity, that will only grow and thrive as long as it has the care, and ingredients it needs to keep it alive. It will not sustain itself. Momentum will not keep it alive. Routine will not give it reason to live. Your relationship needs you to focus on it, help it, nurture it, and give it attention. Relationships do not come with autopilot.

Take the time to be with your partner. Go for a walk, sit and read to each other, do something that is just you and that other person you have built your life with. You have to make it happen. Even for us the fate of the free world can wait until our date is over.