I just finished Malcolm Gladwells’s Outliers; a quick read, interesting, and one that offers some good food for thought.

I have read his other books over the years: Blink and The Tipping Point. From each I have been able to walk away with an outlook and concept that I am able to apply to the work I do. Outliers offered me the same opportunity.

Gladwell’s premises is that success (such as it is) is not just achieved through hard work, there are the components of opportunity, and circumstance that come into play, even luck. He goes on to present a myriad of examples that support his case, as varied as hockey players in Canada, to high tech gurus in California.

The gem that I took from this book was what the author said in an interview at the end (I listened to the audio book from www.audible.com). That those who appear to be true outliers are in fact not that at all. Their achievements can all be very logically accounted for and understood in the context of a rational explanation. I believe this premise can be applied to relationships as well.

When we look at some couples it seems that they are this marvelous match. They are the perfect pair hat gets along well, are happy, and are inseparable. What they are and who they are as a couple seems effortless.

The reality is, they are not this charmed pair, or outliers; rather, they are what they are through hard work, opportunity, and maybe some luck.

What makes the difference for this couple is that they are committed to the process. They are happy to give up their individual time for their partner, they make couple time. This takes effort and time. The couple has been fortunate enough to find each other, but that is just the opportunity they have been given. It is what they do with that connection, how they work at it, invest in each other and take advantage of situations to strengthen it that matters.

So when you see that couple who you think are some sort of natural occurring event, think again. Look at them through the prism that Malcolm Gladwell uses to explain other successes in our society today. I think you will see that what is there is not something that is a once in a lifetime event, rather it is an example of what can be achieved but it takes time, work, and opportunity.