Our days are marked by beginnings and endings. For many of us they consist of rituals. What gives them meaning I believe is how we discover them and then share them.

Rituals are very important to us as individuals and members of a society. They are created and formed around events to which we wish to ascribe value or meaning. Some can have profound meaning and remain a part of our entire lives. Others we try and experience and leave behind.

For individuals forming a relationship and working at their couplehood rituals are very important. Dr. John Gottman (www.gottman.com) speaks to the power and significance of rituals and shared meaning in a relationship. They are very important to helping form and strengthen the fabric of a relationship. These shared rituals are what we develop for ourselves as a couple. They become unique to us and hold meaning and value to our special relationships.

These rituals do not have to be complicated or elaborate. They can be very simple in fact. Perhaps it is in their simplicity that their strength and meaning have such power. What is important I believe is that they are shared and consistent. The couple establishes and then practices them regularly. They can happen any time during the day. They can be almost mundane in their outward appearance to others. But for the couple they are meaningful and their day would not be complete without them. These uncomplicated little rituals are those little shared moments and events that are practiced by the couple, and it’s only they who see the meaning in them and would find a gap if they were remiss, or in the absence not having them.

For some of us the most important little rituals occur at the beginning and end of the day. We have our little ritual that we both partake in and it marks our beginning the day together. Without it our day would seem to start off on the wrong foot. Similarly, we have our ritual to end our day. The absence would make the day not feel complete.

I would invite you to look at what you and your partner do together that could become your very own personal ritual. It need not be elaborate or time consuming. It just has to be something that you share with each other, and in it you have given it meaning and intimacy. It does not have to be sexual. It can be as simple as coffee together in the morning, or as quiet as sitting holding hands in the evening. It is for each of you though, special and important, and a day with out it would be found diminished and lacking. Even now as you look at your life together, I am sure you can call to mind many mini rituals you and your special someone do together on a daily basis or weekly basis that serve to enrich your relationship. Further, if for some reason, you were no longer able to have this ritual, you would dearly miss it. The beginning and end of your day together, your bookends.